bkk to chiang mai and surgery make me wet from rain

so here we go i have alot of ground to cover and only socks on so this may be a two parter. the flight from taipei was way more involved with a t.v screen and seats to ourselves. i watched some show about coffee and discovered not only is it good for you but if you devour dark chocolate before hand it is even healthier. so there, in your face. i knew i was right all this time! if you happen to be flying into taipei which if headed to southeast asia you probably will be i have to recommend that you see what terminal you crashed into because if it's terminal 2 go get some food and a token from the bookstore for you free chair massage versus terminal 1 where you can get coffee for $3.50us. but once you cross terminal's there is no crossing back, for real! another incredible moment in airport history was flushing the toilet in taipei and having sanitizer spray out of the button you pressed into the wall. for a country that names its busses hope line and such they also would pass mary poppins test of cleanliness without hesitation. let me also point out that they now offer filtered water for free at stands throughout the terminal (sounds like an illness) thruway and at the gates so save or bring your own bottle. i bring my metal bottle empty and fill it in the airports so that i dont have to spend $20 on water for the continuation of travel. be sure to empty it before you go through security in taipei though because they dont' like it when it is still full and make you drink it all on teh spot (whew). we arrived at suvarnabhumi airport in Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Ayuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Piman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit (กรุงเทพมหานคร อมรรัตนโกสินทร์ มหินทรายุธยามหาดิลก ภพนพรัตน์ ราชธานีบุรีรมย์ อุดมราชนิเวศน์ มหาสถาน อมรพิมาน อวตารสถิต สักกะทัตติยะ วิษณุกรรมประสิทธิ์) aka bangkok. customs was a breeze and we were sleep deprived and starving. so we went immediately to hualamphong satanii rot fai and tried to get our overnight sleeper express tickets to chiang mai. unfortunately it was sold out and we got second class seats for teh 15 hour train ride. after enduring the last twenty plus hours of plane sitting on the train made us all sigh with exasperation. but hey whatcha gonna do. we traveled thai style instead of the farang fancy pants way. so charity once again exclaimed, "good morning asia!" and we went to get soup which was delicious and i remembered that i love thailand. so our next mission was to walk to khao san road so that we could find food for taarna who is vegan. in which its easier wining the ring toss at the fair six times over than finding something vegan. really. so we start our journey of six hours of walking through bangkok getting numerous directions the wrong way and we could have made it there but went the other direction! holy crap now what. we are exhausted, we haven't slept due to the plane, have only eaten a bowl of soup. it's hotter than concentrated habanero oil and we have to get to khao san. so we get a cab. hell yeah we are there right? we get dropped off, at klong san. oppps, grammatical errors which are both humorous and horrific at their best. so we get another cab and make it there. hell yeah, welcome to the grateful dead lot in thailand. really, it's horrible. i'm having a little spit-up purge its way onto the back of my tongue now just thinking about it. blech. what's even worse than that. we just fought tooth and nail to get there. funny after a dozen people and three cabs we finally made it to teh place we couldn't wait to escape. yay westernization. we ended up taking a tuk tuk back to the train station which was fun though.
on a side note there is a "artist" "tagger" "canvasser" known as bne. you are a asshole. i hope i never meet you because i am so agitated with you. everywhere near the train station in bkk we saw your stupid sticker "bne was here" every five damn feet. then we get to chiang mai and in all the tourist areas again every five feet one or two stickers. i like the idea of reclaiming the streets against propaganda and advertising but you are worse than coke and ipod put together. not only that but you are a complete eyesore and totally disrespectful to a country that is more than hospitable to you. i'm so tired of your infantile stickers, it's like you are a male dog and pissing on every post and booth that you can. get over yourself.
i am out of time and will write more later about the state railway of thailand and chiang mai as well as my first day at the dentist which involved major surgery. all this and more so keep your pants on the ride has just begun...

taipei before opening/china air

so we ade it to taipei but are in terminal 1. so no massage or johnny walker blue lounge. we do have w coffees for 7 bux us and muffins from arizmendi. china air was way lees entertaining than previous jaunts. no tv no slippers and the guy we hoped doesnt have the flu puking beside us. sounds like home doesnt it. we did finally have rice porridge and charity is repeating good morning asia over n over. we fly into bkk at 11am then get train tix and head out for food. hell yeah best food ever. so i am preparing to be stared at for three weeks and pratice speakin thai to people who want to speak english. all that and some kratooey bars and im in water buffalo heaven. i cant wait for the,humidity summer finally none of this 45 degree oaklane crap. here i come mouth....chook di!

bangkok is for lovers

so i made it to the airport in oakland three hours in advance as was recommended and low and behold it was a complete farce. i sat there listening to the breathtaking piano of lebensessenz pondering the irony of them wanting me there so ridiculously early so i can spend more overly taxed money yet the only place open was some horrible burrito place. i'll be damned if i am going to buy a $7 burrito that is three inches long and wrapped in more aluminum than a rim of a bicycle. the actual reason for this is a complete remodel of this closet sized airport including two, yes, two starbucks, so you only have to walk one minute instead of two and a half for coffee. they drove out the private place with smoothies and peet's which is far superior in my snobbish introverted opinion. oh two points in this, one cab's a expensive, $35 expensive from macarthur bart and that is because bart doesn't run until 8 on sundays, however economic that is.
lax was a whole different story, i was not expecting to be walking through security armed to the teeth including machine guns. i also learned of the greatness of duty free shopping. you can buy all the booze, perfume, cigarettes, etc... you want and have them brought to you at the gate so you don't have to deal with them through security. this is in every airport i graced with my stinky presence. i thought the drug dogs were going to get me since my armpits smelled of weed. i saw them looking. really, i did. flying into l.a. made me feel a little sick also. disgusted to the same degree i get when i wat baraka or koyaaniskatsi, you know the feeling you get when you come down off of a few hits of acid and you're still awake. exchange was up though 35baht on the dollar. which was fantastic. oh, don't let me forget to drill this into your head. if y ou want any food or drink before flying air china. get it in the main hall before you go through security. once you get through there is nothing but booze, hotdogs, and prepackaged sandwiches. i spent my time studying thai and drooling over the thought of eating pon suu rot (look it up).
on the plane i first talked with this business man from india who was the genuinely happiest person i saw the whole time. he told me to tell the world that singapore airlines is the best airline in the world. so there you go. it was funny to me that i flew to l.a. only to come back up and fly over the u.s. to seattle and then alaska. seems i could have done it another way. i did get to have a conversation with a nice old lady who pee'd alot about kung fu, muay thai, and thailand although she had never been here i think (she didn't understand any english). it reminded me of working in kitchens in texas but without the props to assist teh language barrier. it was fun. i got to eat pork fried rice, bread, fruit, and some dessert that tasted like a sweet tiramisu but had some strange yellow gel on top. i was exhausted and i think i pee'd on russia while chasing the sun.
whiel i was sittin gin the airport in taiwan i was looking around and noticed something was aloof. then it hit me. hte only obese (and not repulsively) person was a buddhist monk who kept smiling at me. how's that for culture shock. it was there that the problematic situation of me not being abnle to sleep on airplanes took over. you see. there isn't much room for a 6' tall person to sit, so i was cramped but got a little more comfortable with the help of good ol valium. i sat and stretched under a sign that reminded you that drug trafficing is punishable by death. yee-haw!
there was nobody next to me from taipei to bangkok so i got to stretch out a little. i woke up to us about to land and some horrible cartoon with a white bear that had the worst luck ever. i think it was called backkom. disturbing. i got my 30 day visa and went to get a bus. well, the A2 bus to khao san doesn't run until 6am now so i went to get a public taxi. don't do this. while the drivers are nice and take you to many hotels although you don't want to. oh wait, that was the point. get a cab from one of the services inside the airport. they will get you where you need to go. i finally get to khao san and a room at rambuttri village inn. it seems that when you want a room at 2.30am here the only ones available are with air conditioning (atleast 100 baht more). and my air was actually a glorified fan. but it was a bed and shower and i was grateful. i went to get food past all the "pizza" places and had some pad thai made on the street by a nice lady. it was delicious. then i decided to calm my nerves and get a chang beer. little did i know i was entering bourbon street for the british. it smelled and sounded the same. the waitstaff looked at me funny for ordering a small beer. i looked around, i was the only one with one. oh and so you all know, thai beer is stronger than us beer. also expect to pay a deposit around $1000 baht for a room. dont' worry you get it back. now, i trudge forth to hualamphong station after breakfast and make my way to chiang mai. i am excited. i feel like it will be alot more real than here. bangkok feels like plastic and cheap perfume. more to come this computer is driving me nuts. the guy next to me just went outside to puke anyhow, silly aussie. so i don't want to smell him anymore. pob gan mai