what's up joe

i heard this atleast ten times this morning as i coerced myself into getting lost in old city. this is my free weekend. then it's the land of root canal and crown everyday until i go to bangkok and leave for home. this morning i tromped an unbeaten path and visited the wat's i wanted to see. starting off with "donald eating noodle." here i had my first conversation of the day. it was with a thai man who teaches muay thai and is a 4th dan in kyokushin. he was nice but as it usually occurs, he wanted me to "go " somewhere with him. take a sawngthaew with him to some exhibition 15-20 minutes away torwards the mountain. he didn't want my money is how he introduced the amazing offer i would have been a moron to refuse. when i asked him where this exhibition is so i could go later. he persisted i go now with him. he said it was ok because he was from australia and married to white woman with many kids. he liked the word fuck alot so i almost believe him. i responded how i had to meet my friends and he told me he is from the mountain and visiting his family. i must go now. when i responded i couldn't he said ok then bye bye and shooed me with his hand. i realize this is a drawn out story but this happens alot here. i have spent alot of time having wonderful conversations with thai's but alot of them end this way. maybe it is innocent but i have a hard time leaving town with a stranger who makes it very clear he doesn't want my money. i'm almost so broke i can barely pay attention as it is. oh, that might be a.d.h.d. also. ooops! yesterday i had another root canal done. my main dentist has a great personality. she shines like the sun on a still lake. of which i am grateful. let me tell you i've had a few moments where i was nervous about the whole procedure. wondering if i was looking for a rock in the bottom of a lake. but like the evangelicals raise their arms to the sky's and speak in words non-communicable, i too am raising my arms to the same sky and thanking it for the opportunity to be here and get this done. the testimonials i have received first hand from locals to snooty farang about how great grace dental is makes me sure i made the right choice. ok, end the commercial now.
i can't go on about how wonderful this morning is. the sun is out, i sat listening to monks chant at wat chedi luang and staring at the fascinating temple it is. i donated 500 baht to the construction project. then i went and had a thai breakfast which is rice soup with chicken and to the market down the soi from my house where i get fresh mango or pineapple for 10 baht every morning. all together breakfast here if i do it this way cost me 65 baht. for coffee, food, and fruit. and it is amazing. the funny part about this morning is well, let me back up. the roads here are insane. but it is a controlled chaos. there are no rules really and it shows. but when you drive this way your whole life then you can do it. people who don't drive this way their whole life, farang (westerner). they drive with as much tact as a blind dog has playing fetch. i was almost hit twice today by them on their rented motorbikes. i had to jump onto a truck sitting for one who looked at me angrily about it and spewed out the intelligent slogan, "up yers." good job there buddy. probably nursing his hangover from too much chang the night before. oh, nobody local drinks chang. just so you know. another thing that makes it hard here is the younger couples who move here and open businesses. they are completely disrespectful to locals due to their much earned superiority. the older couples who retire here though almost balance it out. they are pleasant and adhere to thai mannerisms. the other thing i have noticed is and large chunk of tourist come here to have a cheap vacation, get a room for 2000+ baht a nght and then complain at restaurants and carts about having to pay 80 baht for a meal an how expensive it i and they are obviously being taken advantage of. they also haggle at the night bazaar almost line for line out of the lonely planet travel guide. which isn't necessarily bd but they do it with attitude and try an talk down say 400 bath to 80 baht form locals who need to make a living also. it never works either but i hear them repeating themselves booth after booth. here's a hint, everything at the night bazaar for the most part is crap anyways. it's nt unlike winning prizes at the fair. atleast in my opinion. only there are no funnel cakes. i keep having to retype everything due to my horribly broken english i speak now.
the other thing is when they do open business most of them are schmucks. i met one guy who owns a bar last night. tried to seem cool, he was from london. he had a thai wife who was working behind the bar. he had g.g. allin on the projector and drank his beer in ice. then he started asking us where are bitches were and why we dont have many thai girls following us. i replied how i have no interest in that. he thought i was a freak. he just talked about tattoo's again (popular subject). i walked my friend to her guesthouse and went back to mine after a girl came into the bar and him and two mates of his started reeling her in. she was drunk and they were very forward. one line i didn't understand was them saying she could be pregnant and them rubbing her stomach. what kind of ridiculous line was that? we left then, completely disgusted. i'm glad i'm not a "dude." anyhow, the dark ships in the sky that drip warm liquid crystals onto my already warm head are sailing my way so i am going to go and find someone to go see elephants with me. i will get pictures if it is not raining. i have missed out on alot of opportunities due to this wonderful inconvenience. my poncho i bought back home was the best idea i had. really. more tales of lady boys, tuk tuk's, dead things (oh i forgot about that), burma (tomorrow, mae soi), curry, and how to survive thailand without toilet paper to come. i'm going to put on my sarang, take off my shit and get ripped now, woohoo spring break.....idiots.
oh i almost forgot, sad story. last night i was at a bar with my friends and an elephant walks up. it is illegal now in chiang mai to have them in the city. these assholes who parade them around charging farang to feed and take pictures with them deserve to be beat. they feed the elephants meth amphetamines to keep them awake late at night and able to walk and treat them like crap. i was so upset when i saw this. i told the elephant i was sorry and avoided my immediate reaction of beating this guy up. that's what he's doing to it. i went in the bar and actually had my eyes water up. my friends took me away saying they had the same reaction the first time.....sometimes, well, alot of the time, i cant stand humans