bangkok is for lovers

so i made it to the airport in oakland three hours in advance as was recommended and low and behold it was a complete farce. i sat there listening to the breathtaking piano of lebensessenz pondering the irony of them wanting me there so ridiculously early so i can spend more overly taxed money yet the only place open was some horrible burrito place. i'll be damned if i am going to buy a $7 burrito that is three inches long and wrapped in more aluminum than a rim of a bicycle. the actual reason for this is a complete remodel of this closet sized airport including two, yes, two starbucks, so you only have to walk one minute instead of two and a half for coffee. they drove out the private place with smoothies and peet's which is far superior in my snobbish introverted opinion. oh two points in this, one cab's a expensive, $35 expensive from macarthur bart and that is because bart doesn't run until 8 on sundays, however economic that is.
lax was a whole different story, i was not expecting to be walking through security armed to the teeth including machine guns. i also learned of the greatness of duty free shopping. you can buy all the booze, perfume, cigarettes, etc... you want and have them brought to you at the gate so you don't have to deal with them through security. this is in every airport i graced with my stinky presence. i thought the drug dogs were going to get me since my armpits smelled of weed. i saw them looking. really, i did. flying into l.a. made me feel a little sick also. disgusted to the same degree i get when i wat baraka or koyaaniskatsi, you know the feeling you get when you come down off of a few hits of acid and you're still awake. exchange was up though 35baht on the dollar. which was fantastic. oh, don't let me forget to drill this into your head. if y ou want any food or drink before flying air china. get it in the main hall before you go through security. once you get through there is nothing but booze, hotdogs, and prepackaged sandwiches. i spent my time studying thai and drooling over the thought of eating pon suu rot (look it up).
on the plane i first talked with this business man from india who was the genuinely happiest person i saw the whole time. he told me to tell the world that singapore airlines is the best airline in the world. so there you go. it was funny to me that i flew to l.a. only to come back up and fly over the u.s. to seattle and then alaska. seems i could have done it another way. i did get to have a conversation with a nice old lady who pee'd alot about kung fu, muay thai, and thailand although she had never been here i think (she didn't understand any english). it reminded me of working in kitchens in texas but without the props to assist teh language barrier. it was fun. i got to eat pork fried rice, bread, fruit, and some dessert that tasted like a sweet tiramisu but had some strange yellow gel on top. i was exhausted and i think i pee'd on russia while chasing the sun.
whiel i was sittin gin the airport in taiwan i was looking around and noticed something was aloof. then it hit me. hte only obese (and not repulsively) person was a buddhist monk who kept smiling at me. how's that for culture shock. it was there that the problematic situation of me not being abnle to sleep on airplanes took over. you see. there isn't much room for a 6' tall person to sit, so i was cramped but got a little more comfortable with the help of good ol valium. i sat and stretched under a sign that reminded you that drug trafficing is punishable by death. yee-haw!
there was nobody next to me from taipei to bangkok so i got to stretch out a little. i woke up to us about to land and some horrible cartoon with a white bear that had the worst luck ever. i think it was called backkom. disturbing. i got my 30 day visa and went to get a bus. well, the A2 bus to khao san doesn't run until 6am now so i went to get a public taxi. don't do this. while the drivers are nice and take you to many hotels although you don't want to. oh wait, that was the point. get a cab from one of the services inside the airport. they will get you where you need to go. i finally get to khao san and a room at rambuttri village inn. it seems that when you want a room at 2.30am here the only ones available are with air conditioning (atleast 100 baht more). and my air was actually a glorified fan. but it was a bed and shower and i was grateful. i went to get food past all the "pizza" places and had some pad thai made on the street by a nice lady. it was delicious. then i decided to calm my nerves and get a chang beer. little did i know i was entering bourbon street for the british. it smelled and sounded the same. the waitstaff looked at me funny for ordering a small beer. i looked around, i was the only one with one. oh and so you all know, thai beer is stronger than us beer. also expect to pay a deposit around $1000 baht for a room. dont' worry you get it back. now, i trudge forth to hualamphong station after breakfast and make my way to chiang mai. i am excited. i feel like it will be alot more real than here. bangkok feels like plastic and cheap perfume. more to come this computer is driving me nuts. the guy next to me just went outside to puke anyhow, silly aussie. so i don't want to smell him anymore. pob gan mai